A Tale of Two Mentalities Part 2: Abundance vs. Scarcity Mindset in Your Personal Life

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The mindsets of abundance and scarcity do not just apply to your professional life, they also apply to your personal life.

People with the abundance mindset in their relationships and personal life make it a priority to invest in themselves.  They have a strong sense of self and enforce their values and boundaries relentlessly.

They do this because they have a lot of self-worth and they know themselves and what they stand for. They also know that if someone does not like them for them and what they stand for, there are other people out there who will.

Contrast this with people who have a scarcity mindset with their personal lives.  They over-invest in people that could care less about them because they don’t believe they’re worthy of having good friends in their lives. These people are horrified of being alone and so they date or befriend the first person that gives them any positive attention at all.

They keep these people in their lives even though they may treat them poorly or take them for granted and they bend over backward to keep these people happy.  So, they neglect to take care of themselves and nurture other relationships that may be more beneficial to them to please the people they settled for.

You might ask yourself how harmful a scarcity mindset can be in your personal life. If you are, consider the following story:

Joe Buck, a kind yet socially awkward 20-something has trouble meeting women.  He goes out to malls, bars, coffee shops and restaurants to meet women but has no luck. Either he does not meet the standards of the women he met or they did not meet his standards.

Joe begins to question himself and his worth and thinks perhaps he is shooting too far out of his league.  Not to mention he doesn’t believe he can improve himself to become more appealing to high-quality women and he doesn’t believe a good quality woman would like him.

Eventually, he meets a lady on an online dating site.  He takes her out on a date but notices that she is rude and demanding to the wait staff, chews with her mouth open and complains constantly about the last guy she dated.  She even admitted to him on this date that she cheated on this guy and blamed him for her infidelity.

Joe notices that these red flags are there, but he ignores them because she is giving him positive attention and she said that she enjoyed herself on the date and kissed him goodnight.  Because of his inexperience with women in addition to his low self-esteem and desperation, he gives her a chance and spends more and more time with her as the months go on.

They begin to date and a year or so later she moves in with him. Joe and this woman begin to argue a lot and Joe thinks that by spending more time with her and less time on himself and with friends and family she will come around.

The result is that she disrespects him more and more and begins to be demanding and manipulative to him.  He starts to truly believe in his heart of hearts that he should kick her out of his house and move on with his life but is afraid to because he can’t stand being alone and does not believe that he can find anyone else.

To make matters worse, Joe alienates himself from friends and family. His girlfriend would say that she didn’t like his friends and family and would threaten to leave him if he continued to spend time with them.  Joe complies since he does not have a strong sense of self and lets his body go because he spends all his time and energy into pleasing her.

She also puts him down whenever he goes the gym or starts eating healthy because she is insecure herself and has a scarcity mindset as well.  She fears that if he works on himself he would gain the confidence to leave her for someone who would treat him better so she threatens to break up with him when he goes to the gym instead of spending time with her.

Another six months of this manipulative behavior goes by and she starts coming home late from work, sometimes at 2 am or so.  Joe suspects his girlfriend is cheating on her but gets a slap in the face when he confronts her about it.

He continues to tolerate this disrespectful behavior and she eventually leaves him for another man.  In fact, she left him for the man that she was cheating on him with and does the same exact thing to him as she did to Joe, thus continuing the cycle of toxicity in her life.

This is what a scarcity mindset looks like in two emotionally unhealthy individuals.  Both parties in this relationship were insecure, did not have a strong sense of self and were terrified of losing the other to someone else.  The difference was how this manifested.

For Joe, it resulted in him being overly nice and allowing his girlfriend to manipulate and disrespect him.  For the girlfriend, it was manipulative behavior and emotional abuse.  Both parties were codependent and the relationship was beyond toxic.

If you or a dear friend or family member have suffered from this sort of relationship, you are not alone.  The scarcity mindset is very common in our society in personal relationships, especially when there is immense pressure from society to have a significant other.

However, it is important to not adopt this mindset.  The reason being is that thinking in scarcity in your personal life leads to you settling for people who are not right for you. It results in people taking advantage of you and there are predatory people who look for people with a scarcity mindset to manipulate.

You must adopt the abundance mindset in your personal life if you hope to have healthy and loving relationships with people and improve your emotional well-being.

You must be willing to leave people who try to stop you from developing yourself and becoming more, even if it means being alone for a while.  By doing so, not only do you make room for good people to come into your life you also make time and room to improve yourself.

By improving things such as your health, your social skills and by investing in your passions, you create a fulfilling life for yourself. This fulfilling life will always attract other people who are complete themselves and they will be willing to share their completeness with you.  This will lead to overall happiness in your personal life and you will be able to have healthy romantic relationships as well.

So, when you are tempted to succumb to a scarcity mindset, remember the above story change your way of thinking.  Never think that toxic people are your only options. Make sure that you surround yourself with people who will respect your boundaries and want you to improve yourself.  Associate with people who want you to be complete.

And be ok with being alone for a while if that is what is necessary for you to have a fulfilling life in the long term. The only thing that is worse than being alone is wasting your time with people who use and manipulate you because they think in scarcity themselves.  Never settle and you will see that your life will drastically improve.  Always have an abundance mentality, never a scarcity mentality.

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